Showstoppers

What is it with me, the law and powdered hair?

Over the weekend, I made a faculty cameo appearance as “The Judge” in our high school’s production of Oliver! I drew the most comments for looking thirty years beyond my actual age, thanks largely to profuse amounts of Johnson’s Baby Powder in my hair.

I received many kudos for my curmudgeonly, crotchety portrayal of this character. In my mind, it was sort of a curtain call…not my most memorable performance, and certainly not my crustiest.

Nearly four years ago, I attended a costume party. On a whim of my friend Steve, I went as Moses: The Lawgiver.

We spared no expense on my costume. I Elmer’s Glued a cotton ball beard to my face and dumped the better part of a bottle of baby powder in my hair. Then I scrawled some makeshift commandments on the back of a Papa John’s pizza box. My personal favorite was Commandment Five: “Got Milk?”

When we arrived at the party, I made my grand entrance, announcing, “I AM MOSES…THE LAWGIVER!” At the exact moment the word “lawgiver” exited my mouth, the cotton ball beard, anchored by wet glue, fell straight to the ground.

After a moment of silence, the party continued.

We secured some electrical tape to hold my beard in place for the remainder of the evening. Then we went straight for the glorious food.