Reflex and Reflux

reflex (noun) – 1. an involuntary reaction required when, for instance, your teacher suddenly says, “Think fast!” and wings a bottle of window-washing fluid at your chest, except for her aim isn’t very good – at least, not as good as gravity. 2. the mental processes that cause a male teacher to say to a female teacher, “See you tonight – Arrrrrrr!” in front of a classroom full of impressionable high school students, while innocently referring to an upcoming “Pirates and Chili” party.

reflux (noun) – 1. the resultant churning in one’s stomach after having not thought fast enough (see reflex above, either definition). 2. the after-effects of having eaten too much chili in the company of pirates.