Cheating

My office used to have a daily Word of the Day contest, inspired by one of Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Day daily tear-off calendars.

Sometimes we actually knew the words’ definitions, but the general goal was to entertain ourselves by fabricating possibilities of what each day’s word could mean. My former officemate often accused me of using the Internet to look up actual definitions of words, something I never did...until today.

For weeks I held out, salivating over the actual definition of hirsute, a word set before me like a filet mignon on my place at the table, while I was forbidden to eat. I offered compliments to the chef and even contributed a hearty portion to this Feast of Balderdash.

My definition: “The grimy, black substance that Mrs. Claus collects on her outer garment when she slides down the chimney.” Etymologically speaking, I noted its German origin.

Alas, my definition was unrequited, and the famished brute within stooped to its lower instincts and ravished the true meaning of the word from cyberspace. In shame, I confess this transgression for the world to read.

Satiated I was to learn the word’s lexical significance on two topics near to my heart: science and hair.

In some ways, my definition wasn’t that far off.