Wise and Otherwise

Social-Media Avoidance and Motherhood

2012-02-18T13:17:00.003Z

I had just seated myself behind a platter of chunky meat and cheese when my brother slapped me with an accusation in front of my cousin-in-law, who was seated to my right, picking at a fruit platter with her bare fingers. “Don’t do anything crazy, or he’ll blog about it.” Those might not have been his exact words – I was chewing up salami and Swiss cheese that had been sitting out all day, rather than practicing my stenography.

In the next room over, my cousin-in-law’s son and daughters had just pulled out Connect Four, which apparently has morphed from a thinking game into a catapult-driven game of pseudo-skill. They play this newfangled version of Connect Four because my cousin-in-law doesn’t know what Farmville is. Her three children were under five when the Facebook craze hit, at which point she opted to spend her spare time making homemade chicken nuggets.

For a time, we discussed whether munchkins turn out better when their parents make homemade meals instead of jumping on social media bandwagons. Then my brother, who also blogs and uses Facebook, abruptly started talking about his plans to win the Second First Annual Chili Cook-Off at his church.

Curly and Me

2012-01-08T19:11:00.004Z

At around five o’clock this morning, the man who oversees ministry to elementary students at church realized that he needed one more person to help students with special needs today. He prayed that someone would be standing around and available to help. Turns out, I was that someone.

This month’s theme is self-control. The second grade teacher passed out cards and asked students to draw a picture or write something that makes them angry. I wanted to participate. Here’s the picture I drew.

As you can see, I drew a picture of my friend Curly, holding the ice cream cone that he’s just stolen from me. You’ll notice that Stick Figure Me is clearly ticked.

Christmas Eve Fun Facts – 2011 Edition

2011-12-24T10:39:00.011Z

Everyone knows Santa’s belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly, but few know what flavor of jelly. This year, it’s huckleberry.
If global warming continues to affect labor conditions at the North Pole, elves will consider taking their talents to South Beach.
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is an anagram for “Unlit Horrors Needed Deep Herd.”
Hold a white elephant’s nose, and it will have a blue Christmas.
On December 24, the Spanish celebrate Christmas Eva.
Most candy canes on Christmas trees have been reused every year since 1986.
The movie War Horse opens Christmas 2011. Start your 2012 Christmas list with the complete War Horse / Seabiscuit / My Friend Flicka box set.
Prague is the only world capital that rhymes with eggnog.
Rejected Wham! lyrics: “Last Christmas, I gave you my spleen, but the very next day you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone who’s keener on spleens.”
Dasher and Comet are currently reigning world champions of the six-legged race.
Santa often enjoys almond milk and spiced oatmeal cranberry cookies at vegan households.
Rumor has it, the Ghost of Christmas Past is getting a flux capacitor and a DeLorean this Christmas.
Remember: One if by land, two if by sea, three if by chimney.

The 2010 edition lives here.

A Very Cheesy Presentation

2011-12-15T17:41:00.004Z

Read all about it here. After you watch the movie below, you may also enjoy related movies from 2010, 2009 and 2007.

Christmas Short

2011-12-11T23:45:00.001Z

A senior couple at my church typically sets up a nativity scene in their front yard. He apparently had trouble illuminating the nativity scene this year. When she asked why it wasn’t lit, he replied, “Baby Jesus blew a fuse.”

Pumpkin Crème Brûlée

2011-11-25T21:39:00.003Z

I am thankful for desserts that require blow torches.

Things You Might See at a Party

2011-11-20T15:41:00.005Z

(But only a very special party.)

Age-Old Debate

2011-11-17T17:17:00.002Z

Which came first: the collapsed roof, or the tree-cutters?

Ordering Fun at the Drive-Thru

2011-11-15T19:29:00.004Z

I was in the passenger seat. The driver placed the order, first for me, “I’d like a large #4 [two cheeseburgers meal] with Coke,” and then for the driver, “I’d like a large #10 [chicken nuggets meal] with sweet and sour sauce.”

Could you blame me for feebly attempting to suppress a snicker? Slightly later, the driver additionally requested a Diet Coke.

Prayer for South Sudan

2011-11-11T19:16:00.007Z

Largely due to a sluggish economy, I’ve had some extra time on my hands recently and spent a good deal of it reading books, among these Radical by David Platt. One of the challenges David Platt gave in the book is to pray for the entire world in a year, using the Operation World prayer guide. It takes me a few minutes a day. I pray for whatever country or countries come up each day, learn a few new things and obey a command Jesus gave us.

Thursday’s country was the newly-formed South Sudan. Thursday morning I prayed for South Sudan. Thursday evening, Samaritan’s Purse notified me that a refugee camp in South Sudan was bombed Thursday, perhaps right around the time when I was praying.

Remarkably, initial reports indicated no injuries in a camp of 23,000 refugees. Of four bombs dropped, one failed to detonate on a schoolhouse, and two landed at the fringe of the camp. The fourth landed in the marketplace.

I spent my share of time Thursday rehearsing the typical questions about what I should be doing with my unscheduled time and wondering whether I missed a turn somewhere. The end of Thursday brought a hint of encouragement in the form of a failed bombing a continent away. Maybe, because of tough economic times, I read a book that led me to pray, and God used my prayers to protect refugees in South Sudan.

PennUltimate Game

2011-11-10T14:27:00.005Z

I thought I’d look back on this game for different reasons. Primarily, from my perspective, it was the fifth straight game Northwestern probably should have won – but let slip away. From a historical perspective, Joe Paterno had won his 408th game and tied Eddie Robinson for the most Division I football wins.

What no one could have foreseen was that it was the game before Joe Paterno’s final game of his coaching career.

It should be interesting to find out, this Saturday, whether Penn State can hold off the team Northwestern defeated last Saturday.

In other news, I’ll also remember this game for the fairly hideous Wildcat throwback uniforms. Someone in the end zone, where many Penn State fans were concentrated, during the game yelled, “Go, Fighting Grapes!” I didn’t know whether to laugh or hang my head in shame.

A Few Fall Shots

2011-10-08T18:48:00.006Z

Gauge these shots for yourself.

What part of the chicken is “popcorn”?

2011-09-30T19:57:00.003Z

Sometimes advertisers provide a little too much food for thought.

A current television commercial opens by asking, “What part of the chicken is ‘nugget’?” It’s a commercial for popcorn chicken. While I’ve always sort of suspected Colonel Sanders and Orville Redenbacher were separated at birth, I’m fairly sure you’ll find neither “nugget” nor “popcorn” on the anatomy of an organically raised chicken.

While we’re at it, I’ve been perennially intrigued by Brett Favre’s Wrangler® Jeans commercial, which offers footage we’re led to believe is of him playing pick-up football. I can’t help myself. Each time I see the commercial – and I feel like it’s aired from the time Favre was still with Green Bay through today, when he’s officially, for real decided to spend more time with his grandkid – I contemplate how the process for choosing teams must have gone.

Somehow I envision a cross-section of neighbors and relatives standing around, waiting for teams to be picked. (Curiously, they’re all wearing jeans – a harbinger of other conditions you’re not likely to encounter in your own backyard ballgame.) A couple teenagers from around the block emerge as captains and rock-paper-scissors for the first pick, with the unfortunate loser of that transaction getting relegated to making the next two way-down-the-depth-chart selections. The ensuing interchange proceeds something like this:

R-P-S Winning Captain: Paper covers rock. Sweet! I’ll take Brett Favre.
R-P-S Losing Captain: Uh, okay. Er...let’s see. I’ll choose Uncle Floyd and...Billy, you played for Oak Grove Middle School, right?

Kudos to Uncle Floyd and Billy for taking on Team Favre. At least they weren’t chicken.

Treasure in Concealed Places

2011-09-24T17:25:00.002Z

Creatures know there’s treasure to be had,
And they’re clever in going about accessing it.

Each night, when it’s time to relax until tomorrow,
I amble to the stairway door and,
Clutching the doorknob,
Find a cat at my feet.
She spends her nights downstairs.
My feline friend rubs against my calves and shins and,
As I twist the knob,
Stretches out and scratches at the door.
Something must be up there,
And though she’s never ventured up,
She longs to look into such things.

Brace yourself for a bolt from the blue –
It’s a little strange, I know.
So hang on to your hat
(A fedora is preferred)
And bear with me for a moment.

Were I a centipede,
Parachuting from the firmament
Onto the verdant fields of modern-day Sân el-Hagar,
Where the fields of biblical Zoan lie,
I might spend the five or so years of my fleeting existence
Craning my neck and doing lots of head-scratching.
It’s easy to do, when you’ve got one head and dozens of head-scratchers.

You might think centipedes parachuting in from the firmament
Know nothing of Indiana Jones.
You’d be wrong.
That’s why centipedes relying on Indiana Jones
To shape their concept of Tanis
(Whose aliases include Sân el-Hagar and Zoan)
Briefly wish they’d booked
Return tickets to the firmament
When they discover the real city provides
Few hints of:
The Ark of the Covenant,
Sandstorms,
Or the trappings of Indiana.

Tanis gives a glimpse into a bigger story, though,
Just not the one our airborne arthropods
Expected to encounter.
(I hope your paradigm offered the neighbors earplugs,
‘Cause it’s making weird noises while shifting.)
The city was blanketed,
Not by sandstorm, but by the fabric of obscurity,
Finished with a selvage of xenophobia
Woven by Nazis, Pharaohs and foolish princes,
That the treasures within her
Might not be raided,
But rather remain undiscovered.

Too often we merely scratch the surface
Of treasures all around us,
Treating them like specimens of erythrite,
Soft as graphite or calcium,
And assumed to be of little worth,
Though they are lined with striations of crimson,
Dividing an unseen escutcheon palewise.

Who knows?
What lies just out of sight
May be purposed for glyptic art
And useful in the hands of a master artisan.

Purchasing Books Online – Some Numbers

2011-09-20T23:45:00.000Z

In my possession are two more books than I had when I woke up this morning. One, a Pulitzer Prize winner, required two decades of work by two authors. With a few clicks, I purchased the electronic version for $1.49 and had immediate access. That works out to less than $0.04 per author per year – just doesn’t seem fair.

The other, a paperback (out of print, not available electronically), I purchased online nine days ago. It set me back $0.01 – that’s right, a penny – plus $3.99 shipping and handling to place it in my mailbox today via snail mail. That’s a 39,900% markup, which works out to just less than 4,433% markup per day – also seems not quite right.

My grandma is cooler than your grandma.

2011-08-28T15:55:00.005Z

She also sometimes drives a tractor.

Droopy and the Elephant

2011-08-17T18:40:00.001Z

Have you ever see one of those illusions in which two people are shown the same image, but each sees something entirely different?

The below rock formation is called “Parade of Elephants.” If you look at the top photo, starting from left to right, you can picture an elephant’s trunk, head, and so forth. Unfortunately, I didn’t quite see the elephant at first. In fact, I thought folks were referring to the elephant’s head as the tall, prominent shape in the lower photo below – a shape that more reminded me of Droopy Dog than an elephant.

Fishing Bridge

2011-08-14T22:39:00.005Z

It’s a cool lookin’ bridge, but the name is sort of ironic, as fishing is no longer allowed.

Geyser Nomenclature

2011-08-13T23:44:00.005Z

I’m convinced that whoever named Smurfs® also named several geysers. Try it out. Replace “GEYSER” with “SMURF” and see if it sounds like a plausible Smurf name. Also, notice that the writing on these signs is suspiciously similar in color to Smurf blue.

Old Reliable

2011-08-10T21:51:00.006Z

Once upon a time, I visited the Grand Canyon and snapped photos of squirrels. It wasn’t really my goal to photograph rodents – just sort of happened. A friend recently took a similar trip to the Grand Canyon and, similarly, returned with photos of squirrels.

National parks must have incredibly photogenic rodents, because I unwittingly did the same sort of thing again.

Yellow Mounds and Bikers

2011-08-08T21:07:00.006Z

Bikers enjoy stopping to look at pretty things. Yellow mounds are pretty.

Amish Market

2011-08-07T16:04:00.001Z

Somehow, I get the sense there’s not a whole lot of Amish runnin’ the joint.

What Every Rain Delay Needs

2011-07-29T20:22:00.004Z

It was as though someone said, “I’ve got a rain delay, and the only prescription is more cowbell!”

Unintentional “Instagram”

2011-07-28T12:35:00.007Z

The photo below nearly went undiscovered. At first blush, I found the composition blah and the color flat. On a whim, as I made yet another pass through photos I took at a recent air show, I pushed the button for one-click photo editing. I had no idea what was hidden beneath the blah.

I needed to clean the glass on my camera, a fact brought out by the spots that readily appeared throughout the end product below. That notwithstanding, this photo landed on a certain “Instagram” quality that, while different from anything I’d consciously attempted, turned out pretty cool. Sometimes “imperfections” make the shot.

Check out the “after” and “before” versions below. And, for the purists, click here for the square version.

Waiting to Watch the Thunderbirds

2011-07-23T22:40:00.006Z

These might just be my favorite photos from the air show.

Similar, Yet Different

2011-07-12T20:41:00.005Z

The following sort of reminded me of a different photo. So similar, yet so very different...

Fourth of July 2011

2011-07-04T17:25:00.005Z

It’s too bad that “bubbles” isn’t written on his shirt. Make no mistake, though: There’s bubbles on that shirt. I wanted to title this post “Bubbles Bursting in Air,” but that didn’t seem quite right. You can read other captions and titles by clicking here. Suggest your own, if you don’t like mine!

Happy Fourth of July!

Daddy’s Little “OOPSTER”

2011-07-02T17:07:00.003Z

He’s most definitely not a mistake. The shirt is losing a letter, though, and when the shirt wrinkles, well...isn’t he cute?

Perhaps one day he’ll be a hampion oopster.

Birds and Balconies

2011-06-25T22:23:00.005Z

And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the vault of the sky.” So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.

Today, on a rainy day at the beach, we join the applause.

Nothing in Return

2011-06-21T20:07:00.003Z

The sheep-throwing incident came after a challenging message. The topic was “agapē” love. I had hoped to post the video, but unfortunately technical difficulties got in the way. The message below, from the following week, addressed the same points, so enjoy this video instead.

I knew the original language of the Bible used a handful of words for “love.” I had not, however, thought about “agapē” in terms of being “all give, no take.” Whereas other words for love mean “give and take,” or even “take as much as possible,” our job is to love people with the “no strings attached” kind of love. Turns out, this kind of love was so revolutionary, writers of the New Testament coined a term (agapē) for it.

The speaker challenged us to look for opportunities to give to people who lacked the capacity to pay us back – who couldn’t give us anything in return. That put “agapē” into perspective. That’s what Jesus did.

The opening of the video had a little quiz on quotes about love. I thought it was fun.

Red-Winged Blackbird

2011-06-19T23:20:00.008Z

The first photo probably doesn’t scream, “Happy Father’s Day!” quite as much as the other two. However, my dad pointed out the red-winged blackbird admiring itself in the mirror of a boat at a fishing dock. I reeled off about three dozen photos to get the shot immediately below.

Bottled Water: A Legitimate Beverage?

2011-06-15T19:09:00.003Z

I realize that my past few posts have been animal-related (sheep, squirrels, cats and birds), so I’ve decided to write about a more enthralling topic: bottled water. As I was out to lunch this afternoon, I looked behind the counter and noticed that the refrigerator was full of bottled beverages. Upon looking a bit more closely, I realized that the bottled beverages matched the beverages that were available from the fountain drink machine – a one-to-one correspondence, except for bottled water.

Most fountain drink machines have a way to dispense tap water. Water is available. That’s not the point I’m making. My point is this: If bottled water is a legitimate beverage, then the same bottled product in the refrigerator should be available from the fountain drink dispenser. Think about it. All of the Coca-Cola® products in the refrigerator were also available from the fountain drink machine, except for bottled water. Why wouldn’t Dasini®, the water bottled by Coca-Cola®, also be available for cold cups?

What the flock happened in church this morning?

2011-06-12T18:42:00.007Z

The Good Book says, “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way.” That really had nothing to do with how this morning’s service ended – at least, not overtly. But the sheep sure all went their own ways!

Pictured above are two sheep. These, and hundreds just like them, were hurled into the seats at the conclusion of this morning’s service.

With Kidz Kamp happening this week, Kentucky and Colorado Jones – Indiana’s lesser-known brothers – were time traveling all morning, looking for Colorado’s hat.

(I think it was Colorado’s. I’m fairly sure it wasn’t North Dakota’s.)

As the brothers landed in church, just in time for the exciting week ahead, their “replicator” apparently cloned an entire flock of sheep. We reaped the good fortune of their bounty.

I probably shouldn’t look for an extended theological metaphor – you know, like Colorado Jones being the wolf that scatters the flock...or having thrown out ninety-nine, but still searching for the one that caromed off the ceiling and sailed to the back of the auditorium.

In other news, my dad is now a proud owner of one these sheep. He wondered aloud whether it was a boy or a girl. Somehow, he decided it was a girl. (I wasn’t brave enough to ask.) Then he needed to name it. He figured that sheep say, “Baa!” so he named it “She-baa.” Or Sheba. He didn’t spell it for me yet.

Also, Sheba apparently howls at the moon. I don’t make this stuff up.

Abner, the Albino

2011-06-09T21:27:00.009Z

While out for a walk, I saw this critter. I named him Abner. He might be a girl. I’m not really sure.

Reality Television

2011-05-29T20:24:00.002Z

It’s amazing how much she gets into these shows.

Eponymous Blogger, Pink Template

2011-05-27T17:18:00.003Z

Her blog template was lame. Now it’s pink. And eponymous.

She’s also writing television theme song parodies, aiming to teach youths about the Old Testament. Consider the knell un-sounded.

I stand by my comment about blogging again, however.

Pretzel Sale

2011-05-26T23:37:00.003Z

When I was a kid, I loved the school’s soft pretzels. When I was a kid, soft pretzels cost a quarter apiece. Now I feel old.

Actually, maybe it was fifty cents. I can’t remember. Now I feel old.

This’ll stink for a bit, but hang in there.

2011-05-23T20:20:00.011Z

Last week, my daily Bible reading plan came to John 11, the story of Lazarus, whom Jesus raised from the dead – after He let him die. It’s probably redundant to mention that Lazarus had to die before he could be brought back to life, but it’s not a trivial point. Jesus had the power to act. He could have prevented Lazarus from dying. He didn’t. That’s where we often get hung up.

The knife twists even a little more. Ever thought you heard pretty clearly from God, and then something happened to make you wonder whether you heard Him at all? The friends of Lazarus must have struggled after hearing Jesus say, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Lazarus died a few verses later.

We all like stories with happy endings. God is more concerned with bringing glory to Himself and building His character in us, though, than He is with our temporary happiness.

At the start of the school year, I completed student teaching in special education. I’d returned from southern Africa on a Thursday and expected to report to the school on Friday. Then I learned that the teacher who was assigned to work with me had retired.

When I reported to the school, I ended up in the retired teacher’s classroom anyway. The retired teacher’s replacement went on medical leave on the second day of school. For six and a half weeks, I stayed in the classroom with a parade of substitute teachers and considerable upheaval.

Elementary students, in general, and students with special needs, in particular, need routines and consistency. Within a couple weeks of starting my student teaching assignment, I realized that I was the consistent adult in the classroom for these students. I had a choice to make between starting my student teaching over again in a classroom where I might receive better mentoring from experienced teachers, or staying where I was, in the interest of providing consistency for the students.

I asked friends to pray for me. “This experience has had an unusual and somewhat bumpy start,” I wrote in an e-mail. “God is good. Please pray that I could humbly honor Him, act professionally and do what is best for the students with special needs I’m teaching.”

God gave me grace to remain in the situation. While I hoped the situation would smooth out, little had been resolved by the time I left. I also hoped maybe to get a job offer, but that didn’t happen either.

I officially graduated at the end of last year. Much to my surprise, months later, I received an invitation to a ceremony where I was given an “Outstanding Graduate Student” award. The university honored one student in each graduate program. The write-up for my award said I exhibited “the highest standards of professional behavior in [my] placements, field experiences and work place.”

That was an honor. When I talked with the person who nominated me for the award, she said my handling of the student teaching experience played a significant part in my receiving the award for my graduate program. I felt honored to have handled the situation in a way that brought glory to God.

It’s important to take inventory of what God gives us permission to control in our lives. I hoped for full-time employment; that didn’t happen. I hoped for a different form or quality of mentoring in my student teaching experience; I feel like I still have a lot of professional growth ahead of me. I couldn’t control those things, despite fighting for them the best way I knew how.

God gave me an opportunity to bring Him glory, though, in how I handled circumstances that weren’t of my choosing.

It’s also worth noting that, even though our actions may bring God glory, sometimes God’s plan still stinks. Really, it does. By the time Jesus came to raise Lazarus from the dead, there was a “bad odor.” (Read John 11:39.) That’s not a trivial point, either.

Christ is more than able to give and to restore life. He’s worthy of our utmost confidence. However, He makes no guarantees in the stench-avoidance department.

Sometimes He provides happy endings. Lazarus came out okay.

Guess whose special day it is.

2011-05-21T16:43:00.003Z

I think the rules are basically that, once grandkids are born, everyone else sort of drops a notch or two in the familial pecking order. My dad and I share a birthday weekend this year, and my brother and nephew are around to help celebrate. The other day, my mom showed me the pop-up train book she’d purchased because my nephew was coming. She was pretty much gushing over the opportunity to see her grandson. Finally I asked, “Mom, whose birthday is it this weekend?” “But my grandson is coming,” she replied.

In other news, check out my special day from a few years ago. It was sweet!

Personal Record in Cheesiness

2011-05-09T18:22:00.016Z

It had been over two years since my last half marathon. Prior to the race, I wondered how fast I would manage to run. Turns out, I set a personal record. In cheesiness.

The back-story is here. Photos are here. Ben’s recap is here. A video recap of the event is here.

While this was not my fastest outing, I’m pleased to announce that no runners pushing strollers passed me this time. I’m less pleased to announce that, according to the official results, a five-year-old finished nearly seventeen minutes ahead of me. Really? Can this be true? I’m still waiting for a correction or a retraction.

I’m also sad to report that Ben and I finished a combined eighteen minutes and thirty-six seconds slower than our target combined time of six hours (his marathon time plus my half marathon time).

I fell off the target pace roughly two and a half miles into my run. Ben ran a great race and finished faster than his target time. All things considered, I ran a solid race, even though I’d envisioned running with Ben for several more miles. The marathon and half marathon courses diverged after twelve miles, just over a mile before my race headed toward the finish.

Ben would have had to run a personal record (cheesiness aside) to make up for my time. Alternatively, I would have had to run a couple minutes faster than the alleged five-year-old.

We raised hundreds of dollars in pledges to assist relief efforts in Japan and Egypt, and we had a great time doing it.

Any way you slice it, this was one of cheesiest, funnest and most memorable events in recent memory!

Kittens, Clowns and Cash

2011-04-28T16:54:00.003Z

Put a gold star next to this morning – probably my favorite day on the job thus far, and certainly the most entertaining.

The student I tutored finished his work after roughly forty-five minutes of our allotted hour. At that point, he saw my Kindle and asked whether it had Internet capabilities. I told him it had limited online capabilities, but I couldn’t go to YouTube and watch juggling cats or anything. Then he wanted to know whether I meant that the cats were doing the juggling, or being juggled. It was a fair question. Realizing that we still had fifteen minutes remaining in our session and he was out of work to do, I told him to write a story about cats, juggling cats. He did not disappoint:

A long time ago, there was a family of clowns. They had a pet cat. One day, the cat got pregnant and had three little kittens. Every night the cat and her babies watched the circus. Their favorite part was when Clearance juggled bowling pins that were on fire. The cat got to thinking, “Hey, I can do that.” She took her babies and started practicing. She got good. Soon she became a part of the show, throwing her babies up in the air and catching them. The end.

That, I thought, was a solid fifteen minutes’ work! Just to make sure, I asked whether the kittens were set on fire. He confirmed that they weren’t.

After the hour was up, a different student broke out his guitar. Much to my surprise, the guitar-wielding student started playing “Fulsom Prison Blues,” and my story-writing student filled in the vocals – not bad, I might add!

Fortunately, no one set kittens on fire... you know, just to watch them fry.

Long Runs and Taxes

2011-04-18T11:19:00.002Z

In 1789, Benjamin Franklin philosophized that “in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” In 2011, the United States put off Tax Day until April 18, straying from the typical date of April 15 – had to do with Emancipation Day and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) not wanting to give up their weekend. While the date may have changed this year, even after holidays and weekends, Tax Day still happened.

Happy Tax Day!

For distance runners, this is certain: You can survive cheating on various parts of your training, but if you shortchange yourself on long runs, you’re in trouble. That might not be as pithy as what Ben Franklin said, and probably no one will still be quoting it 222 years from now, but it’s true.

Long runs, which help runners build toward the distance they’ll run on Race Day, are once-a-week transactions – unless you’re training for a 50-miler or something. Runners tend to save these runs for weekends, partly because, well...they take awhile. They’re also mentally taxing, as long runs don’t come with the adrenaline rush and the support that accompany Race Day. The long run about three weeks before Race Day is particularly important, especially in training for a full 26.2-mile race. Marathoners typically run their 20-milers three weeks out, then scale back mileage until Race Day.

We’re inside of three weeks now. On Saturday, I planned to get in 12-15 miles as a half marathon training run, but it rained all day. I toyed with waiting a couple days until the rain cleared. After all, the IRS sometimes takes key weekends off and still gets back to business on Monday – didn’t seem like such a bad plan.

Then I realized it was April 16, and I hadn’t completed my state or local taxes. I still had two days to spare, but I got right to work. As the day slipped away, I fulfilled my duties to Uncle Sam and his state and local cousins. Had I owed taxes to my specific block or street, I eagerly would have gotten right to work on those. By late afternoon, I was a little sad to have run out of unfinished tax forms. Turns out, doing taxes can be a lot more enticing than a three-weeks-out long run.

Rain continued to fall. An outdoor run wasn’t going to happen. Fortunately, though, my city has a couple of indoor running tracks. I already helped pay for them. With late afternoon fading into early evening, I figured I might as well pay one of them a two-and-a-half hour visit.

Ben Franklin, meanwhile, missed his long run and won’t be racing in a few weeks.

Signs of Spring

2011-04-12T23:59:00.004Z

Morsels of a Cheesy Idea

2011-04-09T23:43:00.005Z

I joined a men’s softball league this spring. A few days ago, I was at softball practice, and our team captain asked me where I played football. I presume he meant in college. He was fairly surprised when I told him I’d never played organized football at any level. He told me I looked like a linebacker – which I suspected was a compliment, but I checked...just to make sure.

Actually, I ran cross-country during my freshman year of high school, when I weighed a hundred pounds less than I do today. I ran track all four years in high school – except for my junior year, when I became a discus catcher and prematurely ended my season. After getting my shin stitched up, I went to my coach to tell him my season was over, but that I would be back for my senior year. I made good on that promise and came through with personal bests at the 400-meter and 800-meter distances.

My high school track coach even let me run the 400-meter dash at the district track meet on my eighteenth birthday. That day happened also to be Math and Science Day at an amusement park about an hour away from the track meet’s venue. After riding roller coasters in the morning and nominally discovering applied science with my AP® Honors Physics classmates, I left the amusement park a little early to head to the meet. I stayed a little longer after discovering I’d locked my keys in my car. On the whole, the story had a happy ending: I made it to the starting line on time and finished the 400-meter dash in a personal best of 56.6 seconds. Everyone else in the race smoked me by five seconds.

Now I’m working on a cheesy idea to make another comeback, of sorts, to give a happy ending to people who could really use some help. I have run eleven half marathons to date, the last of which happened well over two years ago, although I have since run a full marathon, participated on a 50-mile relay team and recently run a 15K race.

In a few weeks, I plan to team up with a friend of mine to run the Wisconsin Half Marathon. The idea is that I will aim for a two-hour finish in the half marathon, while my friend targets a four-hour finish in the 26.2-mile race. Folks can enter a contest to predict our finishing times, as well as make a pledge to help with various relief efforts around the world.

If enough pledges roll in by a week prior to the race, I will run 13.1 miles wearing a CHEESEHEAD FEZ. I’m already a Clydesdale. I can’t fathom how bulky cheese apparel will make me run faster, but if it produces funds to help our partner organization continue the good work they’re doing around the world, it’ll all be worth it.

Troubling Job Opening

2011-04-06T17:08:00.004Z

The website that posts openings for local teaching positions recently posted an opening for an “Auto Collision Instructor.” When I learned to drive, I seem to recall an emphasis on “defensive driving.” No one clued me in that others were receiving direct instruction in wrecking cars.

I did a little further investigating and discovered a job description for the position. The second qualification is that the candidate must “hold or qualify for licensure in the Auto Collision program.” Really? When did this happen? Last I checked, we were taking away licenses of people who collided their autos. Now there’s a licensure program for it?

But it gets more specific. The ideal candidate should possess five years of “full time work experience in the auto collision field” and “excellent human relations skills and serve as a role model for students.” No, no, NO! Someone who spent five years demolishing vehicles full time should not be influencing our youth.

These are your tax dollars at work, folks!

I nearly gagged.

2011-04-05T13:56:00.003Z

Turns out, breakfast and the Bible are not always the best combination – unless your breakfast is so nice, you wouldn’t mind tasting it twice.

In Deuteronomy 28, God laid out what His people could expect if they followed Him, as well as what they could expect if they didn’t do that. Things got progressively worse as the chapter went on. I was truly unprepared for what I read at the end of the chapter.

For those wondering...

2011-04-01T17:14:00.009Z

I know some of my recent posts have been sort of enigmatic. Yes, I have a tattoo. Fortunately, it’s not something most people will see, as I’m not very proud of it. It used to say “MANDY,” but after things went south, well...it couldn’t stay that way.

Thanks to the help of a tattoo artist I met on a recent trip (ironically, to the South), “MANDY” is now “MANATEE.” While I won’t show you my ink, I’ll give you a rough idea of the final product...well, at least the graphic that went with “MANATEE.” Click here for a photo of the loveable sea cow.

If the temperature stays in the thirties...

2011-03-28T14:25:00.004Z

...the trees are liable to freeze their buds off.

Not with syrup!

2011-03-19T17:04:00.002Z

MOM: Nobody loves me.
ME: Nope.
MOM: Everybody hates me.
ME: Yup.
MOM: Guess I’ll have to eat worms.
ME: Yup, with syrup.
MOM: Oh, gross.
ME: Wait. Eating worms is gross only after adding syrup?

Tatoos and Takee Outees

2011-03-13T18:53:00.004Z

March Lifeisgoodness

2011-03-12T23:00:00.005Z

Today I saw no snow. I ran my first 15K race, and only four Olympians finished ahead of me. And, for the first time ever, I heard “Dueling Banjos” prior to a race. For real. Reminded me of the glory days.

March Notpleasedness

2011-03-11T18:06:00.003Z

Today it snowed, and Northwestern lost in overtime.

Beauty and the Bird Strike

2011-03-08T23:19:00.004Z

I recently attended the retirement ceremony of a friend who had completed service in the United States Air Force. Inside the hangar, where the ceremony took place, I snapped the below photo of bouquets of flowers, resting on steps leading to a plane engine that had experienced a bird strike. When I took the photo, I thought its composition was interesting; I still sort of do.

Afterward, as I looked at the photo, it was pretty hard to miss the plastic bags and tissue paper surrounding the flowers. I’d taken a photo of beautiful flowers, but clutter had largely spoiled the photo.

Life is full of clutter, often distracting us from the beauty we ought to see clearly right in front of us. Here’s to removing the plastic bags and tissue paper.

The Frugivorous Kleptocracy

2011-03-04T18:06:00.002Z

Once upon a time, there was a tropical country ruled by bears. The bears ate fruit. In fact, they hoarded fruit, so that only the country’s rulers had fruit to eat. Before long, production of Froot Loops halted, and all of the beautiful toucans in the land perished.

What NOT to text to strangers.

2011-03-01T18:40:00.003Z

Let’s hope I don’t show up on any FBI watch lists. A buddy of mine returned to the United States from being overseas for an extended period of time. I had his old cell phone number, so I sent him a text. At least, I thought it was him.

ME: Is this still your phone number?
OTHER PHONE TEXT: Yes lol.

Hoping I’d established contact with my friend, I called the number from a landline. Voice mail picked up, but gave me no indication I’d reached my friend. Not sure whether I had called my friend or someone else, I did not leave a message.

OTHER PHONE TEXT (roughly an hour later): Who is this btw?

Upon receiving this text, I figured I’d either: a) reached a total stranger; or b) reached my friend, but had not been among the contacts in his phone. So I decided I’d reply with a reference to something he would understand, but a stranger wouldn’t.

ME: sorry...your buddy, trying to keep his beard on
OTHER PHONE TEXT: Uh who?

Yeah...pretty sure I wasn’t texting my friend. I connected with my friend a short time later. We’re not sure who received my texts, but it was fun to imagine what went through that person’s mind. You can read the beard-related reference by clicking here.

Master and Apprentice

2011-02-12T15:31:00.004Z

I’m not an expert on Egypt, and it’s unlikely that you’ll catch me at Comic-Con, but over the past several days, each time I’ve heard newscasters mention that former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak ruled under “Emergency Law,” I’ve wondered...has anyone else thought about the similarities between former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and Emperor Palpatine?

I retrieved the following blurbs from Wikipedia on February 12, 2011. Cue the Imperial Theme.

After Obi-Wan discovers that the Separatists are building a secret battle droid army, Palpatine uses the situation to have himself granted emergency powers. Palpatine feigns reluctance to accept this authority, promising to return it to the Senate once the crisis has ended. His first act is to create an army of cloned human warriors to counter the Separatist threat...Palpatine has become a virtual dictator, able to take any action in the Senate.

– from article on “Palpatine”

Egypt is a semi-presidential republic under Emergency Law (Law No. 162 of 1958) and has been since 1967, except for an 18-month break in 1980s (which ended with the assassination of Sadat). Under the law, police powers are extended, constitutional rights suspended and censorship is legalized. The law sharply circumscribes any non-governmental political activity: street demonstrations, non-approved political organizations, and unregistered financial donations are formally banned. Some 17,000 people are detained under the law, and estimates of political prisoners run as high as 30,000. Under that “state of emergency,” the government has the right to imprison individuals for any period of time, and for virtually no reason, thus keeping them in prisons without trials for any period.

– from article on “Hosni Mubarak”

Special Quarter

2011-02-11T21:05:00.000Z

The cashier handed me my change. It included a Canadian quarter. I paid in greenbacks. I debated whether or not to say something.

ME: I think you gave me a Canadian quarter.
CASHIER: Is that a special quarter?
ME: I think they’re pretty standard north of the border.

I kept the quarter. It cost me three-tenths of a Lincoln penny to figure out:

The cashier couldn’t readily identify Canada as a country with an independent currency.
There’s not much difference between the two currencies right now.

Eclectic Thoughts on Wintry Weather

2011-02-04T17:08:00.005Z

This week ginormous storms blanketed much of the United States. Then the power went out, and I looked for blankets to keep me warm. Funny how that works.

Here are a few random thoughts that crossed my mind this week:

You may be familiar with the motto of the United States Postal Service: “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” Yeah, that’s a myth. Really, it was never their motto.
Compliments of the power outage, I learned that it’s surprisingly difficult to put toothpaste on a toothbrush in the dark.
I photographed an icicle. Several people commented that it looked like a caterpillar. Or a tomato worm. See for yourself.
I enjoyed photographing other icicles, too. Icicles can be really pretty.
I thought it would be neat for those caught in the blizzard to build snowcows – that way we’d have the option of snowcow tipping. To my knowledge, regrettably, this idea never caught on.
While I was concerned that ice might interfere with Punxsutawney Phil’s annual February 2 attempt to see his shadow, apparently neither snow nor ice nor freezing rain nor gloom of night stays this rodent from the swift completion of propping up our hopes for a premature end to winter.

Icicle Awesomeness!

2011-02-03T18:21:00.010Z

These still may not be quite as awesome as frozen iguanas falling out of trees, but I like ‘em a lot.

Harbinger of Sniffliness

2011-01-26T23:49:00.001Z

This morning, one of my students asked to leave the room to get a tissue. When he brought back an entire box, I questioned whether he was depriving another room of their tissue box. He did not share my concern.

I was fine prior to the box’s arrival. Let’s just say the box migrated to my area of the room before the hour concluded. It was lighter when I left the room.

Refudiation

2011-01-25T23:27:00.002Z

My friend, Karin, wrote a summary of this evening’s prime time speech. You can read her summary by clicking here. I feel a need to refudiate her summary, although her summary was funny and not very political. That makes my job harder. She probably offended Walt Disney – but he missed the speech, and now he’s dead. Way to play it safe, Karin!

Now all I want is to drive the Disney tram cross-country in search of smoked salmon.

Also, I was out eating chicken wings with the guys, and somehow none of the ubiquitous televisions were carrying the speech.

Mocking Cannons and Dragons

2011-01-18T17:45:00.003Z

Standing directly in front of a cannon was not a good idea. But it reminded me of Brian Regan’s sketch about cannonball wounds. It also reminded me of a jaunty jaunt from yesteryear. And a snowman.

After procuring his faux cannonball wound, he suggested this photo caption: “How to Train Your Paddle Boat.” I liked it.

Things Is Lookin’ Up!

2011-01-17T13:56:00.002Z

My brother bought me books with tips on digital photography. Already, I’ve read useful tips, such as:

When photographing something that has already been over-photographed, look for a different angle.
In lieu of a different angle, at least try to set up a more interesting background.
Rather than try to capture the subject in its entirety, photograph details that suggest the whole.

Given an impromptu visit to Washington, D.C., I had a few opportunities to test my skill with these tips. Ever looked up Abe Lincoln’s schnoz before? Gotten on his olfactory nerves?

Different Strokes for Different Siblings

2011-01-15T22:37:00.007Z

Nearly four years ago, on a continent far, far away, I photographed their brother swimming the butterfly. Below are two photos I liked from today’s meet.

Also, I learned that the pool was slow today. I had no idea that pools could be fast or slow, but apparently the chemicals in the water make a difference in swimmers’ speeds.

Counting in Binary Day

2011-01-10T17:02:00.002Z

You’ll either get this, or you won’t. Because you’re one of 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who get this, and those who don’t. But rest assured, one of these days won’t be coming around again for quite awhile – 1100100 years, to be exact! January 10, 2011 is Counting in Binary Day! Cherish it. Yea, even be a little proud that you’re nerdy enough to understand.

On New Year’s Day, folks went berserk about 01-01-11. Tomorrow, on 01-11-11, expect some commotion. On the first day of November – and especially on the eleventh at 11:11:11 – when people are beside themselves with date-related giddiness, cast a knowing smile. But count yourself among the privileged to have celebrated 01-10-11 on the actual day.

Unless you’re that one in 10 who didn’t get it.

Bubbles, Relatives, Non-Government Holidays

2011-01-08T17:17:00.005Z

Sitting by the back door, next to leftover flavored water from Christmastime road trips, is a bottle of bubbles, a Christmas present from my nephew. (And it’s troubling, by the way, how similar bottled water and bottled bubbles look. Especially in the dark. I feel for the unassuming soul who inevitably reaches for a splash of raspberry and gets their mouth washed out with soapy water. Don’t ask me why I thought of this.)

There’s a story, of course, behind the bottle of bubbles. I’d recount the story for you, but I’m just too embarrassed. You can read the story by clicking here, though. My nephew is just over a year old, so you get the sense that he delegated his Christmas shopping to his mother this year. To be circumspect, I gave my sister a battery-powered rattle for Christmas, so I suppose the gag gifts score was 1-1 this year.

Take a close look at the bottle of bubbles, and you’ll notice a logo that suggests the contents are derived entirely from recycled material. I presume the reference is to the plastic bottle, but you never know. Recycled bubbles? Raises so many questions.

January 8, I learned this morning, is Bubble Bath Day. You’d think I’m making this up, but you’d be wrong. It’s also Fruitcake Toss Day and National Joy Germ Day. Don’t worry, the banks didn’t close on account of any of these.

I once wrote a story about germs – not sure whether they were joy germs, but I enjoyed writing about them. Perhaps I should let one of today’s holidays and observances inspire another story.

She asked for hippos.

2011-01-03T20:48:00.007Z

Did you know that a collection of hippos can be called a bloat, crash, dale, herd, pod, raft or thunder – just to name a few?

Well, I guess you could say I gave my sister a my-pod for Christmas. (Sure, that last sentence was lame...did you want me to say that she’s bloated?)

I gave her a raft of gifts: a hippo mug, a hippo poster and five hippo candles. Oh, and I also gave her a battery-powered rattle – not among her favorite gifts.

We’ll see how this shakes out.

2010-12-30T06:27:00.000Z

Still pushing buttons after all of these years...

Ben’s Epic 50: The Feature Presentation

2010-12-29T22:33:00.003Z

You’ve seen the trailer and read the recap. Now experience the epic.

The Trailer: Fall 50

2010-12-28T15:26:00.006Z

Over three million inches. More than a quarter of a million feet. I have to say, I am impressed – first, with my buddy’s 50-mile run; second, with the movie that’s on the horizon. I have been featured in two previous running-related movies: a half marathon and a full marathon. The trailer for the Fall 50 movie is a minute and a half long...looking forward to the full feature presentation!

Centerpiece! Snowblower!

2010-12-26T16:57:00.006Z

For an enhanced viewing experience, imagine Grover and his “Near!...[runs across the room]...Far!” thing, but substitute “Centerpiece!” and “Snowblower!”

Dreamy Black and White Christmas

2010-12-25T21:28:00.006Z

Trains, and bubbled-wrapped gifts in Huggies boxes...could there be a more perfect Christmas?

Christmas Eve Fun Facts

2010-12-24T17:18:00.001Z

Santa prefers snickerdoodles and milk at houses where he delivers Etch A Sketches®.
As contestants are eliminated from the Christmas Eve Spelling Bee, angles get their wings.
Last year’s Midnight Ride was delayed five minutes, due to reindeer getting caught up in the finale of “So You Think You Can Prance?”
After reading some of the above fun facts, my brother told me he had turned off his brain for the remainder of the year. Yet what is he doing at this very moment? He’s reading a user’s manual for a snowblower.
I thought #3 was lame, too.

Eggnog Milkshakes, or You’re a McMean One

2010-12-23T22:58:00.004Z

Typically, I never write anything about McDonald’s®. Well, there was that time when I ate at McDonald’s® in my twenty-first different country. And the time I ate at McDonald’s® for a pre-race meal. And there was that time when...okay, the main reason I write any of this is that the greater metropolitan area surrounding my home made a deliberate and inexplicable decision not to order eggnog milkshakes this year, violating a delicious December tradition. I even called them to request that they reconsider their decision or fire the Grinch who made it. They sent me a coupon for a medium coffee and followed up with a disappointing phone call. Perhaps I should have left the Grinch out of it.

Fortunately, I visited a different metropolitan area. The nog was strong with them.

PS – I made up the entire Grinch part. I was actually very polite in my dealings with representatives from the Golden Arches. But you have to admit, the Grinch part made for a livelier story.

Scissors? Nah, let’s make switchbacks!

2010-12-22T23:44:00.004Z

I wrap no two packages the same. It’s worth noting that, in each of the following photos, I have scissors and tape at my disposal. Also of note is the significant length of paper beyond the clearly-identifiable end of box being wrapped. I reach for the tape, rather than for the scissors.

Sometimes my technique leads to switchbacks. That is, I fold the paper back and forth until the paper is short enough to tuck and tape.

Totally Eclipsed

2010-12-21T14:03:00.003Z

Three hundred ninety years ago, to the day, Pilgrims arrived at Plymouth Rock on the Mayflower. Eighteen years later, a total lunar eclipse and the winter solstice (in the Northern Hemisphere) took place on the same night – two events that did not coincide again until last night. Unfortunately, this time the total lunar eclipse and winter solstice also coincided with a wintry storm, so the eclipse was totally eclipsed by clouds.

That was a bummer. I initially wanted to capture an entire sequence of photos, like I did during an earlier lunar eclipse. Well after midnight, I went to bed, knowing I would miss the initial phases of the eclipse, but hoping that the clouds would clear during the total eclipse phase. I set my alarm for twenty past three in the morning, hoping to capture a reddish version of this photo. Instead, I went outside, failed even to locate the moon, then played fetch with the cat before going back to bed.

Not exactly related, but interesting: The day that pancakes cancelled school.

It’s Coming: Love

2010-12-19T07:16:00.005Z

Previous Weeks: Hope, Peace, Joy

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday

Playing “Fetch”

2010-12-17T18:53:00.008Z

The last cat snored like a chainsaw. This one reads the Bible and plays “fetch.”

She got eight. Yes she did.

2010-12-15T20:15:00.006Z

I typically eschew occupying this space with deeply personal news, especially when the dozens of people who visit each year expect:

pretentiously big words;
lame attempts at humor;
timely news alerts about freezing iguanas falling out of trees; and
odd photos of me with such things as the Oscar-Mayer Wienermobile, the Chick-fil-A® Cow or a whisk-wielding bear.

I also shy away from embedding videos in this space. But my family recently had a close call (click here for photos), and the following video provided a bit of levity after the emergency room adventures were over.

And, in case you’re wondering, “eschew” is not a big word for the sound you make when you sneeze.

Sweater Buddies

2010-12-13T22:53:00.002Z

Irony on Ice

2010-12-10T22:21:00.008Z

I went ice skating.
I hit the ice with a thud.

One of my knees it still boney.
The other knee is squishy.

Someone suggested that I put ice on my squishy knee.
Isn’t that what got me into trouble in the first place?

Also, there might have been a close call with a Zamboni machine.

Additional footage of the zaniness lives here.

The Birthday Card

2010-12-09T12:15:00.003Z

The weekly routine wearied me. Refresh the page of job postings frequently. Click on the few that might pertain to me. Await good news for a day or two after the occasional interview, and then pump the brakes as the van traversed the short road from Expectation to Disillusionment.

I needed to get out of town. Without a job I was free to go, so I headed west and found myself in a warehouse called “Hope.” The men who worked there had all been prisoners; many of them had spent time behind bars. No locks adorned the doors at Hope.

On a wintry December day, one of the men at Hope had a birthday. Folks passed around a card. I signed it and moved on. I was sorting clothes, trying to master the art of eyeballing differences among small, medium and large children’s garments, when the Birthday Boy strode up to me. He looked me in the eye and thanked me for the card. “It’s the first card I’ve received in three or four years.”

Over lunch, I heard more of his story. He worked on a farm for most of his life. Prescription drugs led to drug problems, theft and two years in prison. His family stopped talking with him. Years of birthdays piled up without acknowledgement from his daughter. He was computer illiterate. He went to Hope for structure, training – and because he was too old to be incarcerated again.

While some roads between Disillusionment and Hope are more scenic than others, most routes include at least a short drive on the Perspective Tollway. Some of us need a couple of flat tires and a vanload of joy-mongering Good Samaritans to fix us up and point us in the right direction.

The man at Hope needed a birthday card. One day the King will turn to a vanload of folks who signed a birthday card and say, “I needed a birthday card, and you gave one to me.” Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when did we give you a birthday card?” The King will reply, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

Happy birthday, Jesus! Thanks for giving me Hope.

Chicagoland: Stories and Snapshots

2010-12-06T21:37:00.020Z

During last week’s trip to Chicagoland, I took several photos. Below are a few more photos taken at Navy Pier, footage of...uh, volunteering at the Hope Outreach warehouse, and fun times at a youth rally. In addition, here are a few stories that don’t quite come across through the photos.

Hope Outreach
I caught glimpses into the lives of former prisoners through our time at Wayside Cross Ministries’ Hope Outreach. Hope Outreach operates a residential program for men, many of whom have been incarcerated and are trying to straighten out their lives. The residential program provides structure and spiritual guidance to help its residents reenter society. Because of wrong choices these men have made, many of their friends and families have basically severed ties with them.

We spent two days working alongside these men at the Johannaber Center warehouse. The warehouse processes donations of clothing, furniture, electronics, small appliances, house wares, books and toys to be sold at a thrift store, Hope Chest Resale Store.

One of the residents had a birthday during our time there. Someone in our group discovered his birthday and bought a card, which we signed and gave to him. The man went around the warehouse and thanked each member of our group. He said he hadn’t received a card in three or four years.

Sure, these men made decisions that landed them in their situations, but I saw a broken, human side of men who were trying to get back on their feet. They were looking for hope. I hope we provided some.

Feed My Starving Children
We also spent a day packing food for Feed My Starving Children, an organization that provides food for malnourished children in developing countries. After packing food, a coordinator from Feed My Starving Children gathered the volunteers who packed food to pray over the food. People congregated around the pallets, and the coordinator explained why they prayed and asked if someone wanted to pray.

On a typical day, three shifts of volunteers pack food. We volunteered for the first two shifts. During the first shift, none of us volunteered to pray over the food, so the coordinator offered a prayer himself. The second shift included schoolchildren from public schools, and the coordinator significantly toned down the Christian message. We nevertheless gathered around the food to pray after we finished the second shift. When the coordinator asked if someone wanted to pray, several hands shot up. A group of students with special needs served during the second shift. I stood next to a girl with Down’s syndrome. Her hand shot up. Unfortunately, the coordinator did not ask her to pray – he actually glanced at her and then looked to other hands. That irritated me. However, he selected another girl – she also had special needs – and she offered a simple prayer for the food.

We have a lot to learn from people with special needs. It wasn’t the first time this had crossed my mind.

Snapshots
And finally, a few lighter moments...

Wintery Navy Pier

2010-12-01T23:14:00.005Z

Generations and Cousins

2010-11-28T20:10:00.005Z

Inspired by Thanksgiving and previous photos involving four generations, here are a few more generational photos.

Pharmacy Parking

2010-11-27T19:23:00.004Z

Thanksgiving Faces

2010-11-25T21:16:00.005Z

This sign bothers me.

2010-11-24T12:36:00.001Z

The sign would only be appropriate, were it a category header on Jeopardy! – where words in quotation marks give clues to correct responses. Instead, this sign greets me each time I visit the men’s room at a local eatery. The use of “employee” (singular) irritates me, as well.

I’m left to wonder whether a specific, unnamed employee needs a good delousing. This does not inspire confidence at the local eatery (yet it does not prevent me from patronizing said eatery roughly biweekly).

It was only after snapping the above photo and constructing the above blurb that I realized I’d encountered similar signs previously (click here or here).

Previous close encounters of the signage kind also include photos of signs and stories about signs.

Elmo Party

2010-11-20T21:38:00.005Z

The following has nothing to do with a previous visit to St. Elmo.

Stone and Reflections

2010-11-19T19:19:00.009Z

Grandpa built one of the finest stone houses around – that was clear from the outside. The inside held secrets. Markings on the green kitchen wall, reminders of grandchildren, somehow endured ‘til the end.

Shellacking

2010-11-18T23:43:00.010Z

After a recent election, President Obama prompted a cavalcade of Internet users to look up the word “shellacking.” I’d like to point out that I used the word “shellacking” (okay, it was “shellacked”) before using the word “shellacking” was cool. I’m not sure I used it completely correctly...but I used it.

In addition to learning big words and using big words, I also define big words sometimes.

What I write, I’m told, makes people smarter. I wonder whether a certain prominent American got the idea to use “shellacking” from me. Ha!

On Royals and Safaris

2010-11-17T14:00:00.004Z

England’s Prince William recently proposed to longtime girlfriend, Kate Middleton, while on safari in Kenya. Most people want to know about the ring, the future princess, the wedding plans...things like that.

I keep wondering whether Prince William, while on safari in Kenya, suppressed the urge to sing “I Just Can’t Wait to be King.”

Highfalutin and Hoity-Toity

2010-11-16T21:24:00.006Z

I’ve occasionally been accused of using large words in this space. Perhaps that’s why it was so refreshing when a friend praised me for compiling a project that was “especially easy to read...applicable and effective.” Ironically, I learned two new words in the process.

My friend also commented that such projects “can be so high falutent that only other heuty teuties can understand them [sic].” I knew exactly what she meant. I also had a gnawing sense that these words weren’t spelled quite correctly.

I needed to satisfy my curiosity.

I spell checked “falutent.” The first recommended spelling that came up? Flatulent. Oops. Although people who write with an air of sophistication can certainly come off as gassy, I knew this wasn’t what she meant. After searching a bit more, I discovered that her word was actually “highfalutin” – surprising, because it’s one word, not two.

The other word is “hoity-toity.”

Curiosity satisfied.

Inspired by Pop Culture: A Yarn

2010-11-14T20:06:00.006Z

The other day, as I photographed flowers out in front of the house, I recalled my childhood friend, Jack. We used to race big wheels until around when I started kindergarten. It really wasn’t fair, because I was a couple of years older than Jack, and that’s a big advantage when you’re five years old.

Anyway, I felt kind of guilty about winning at big wheels all the time, and I knew that Jack sort of looked up to me, so after we’d race, I would get on all fours and let Jack ride on my back over to the dandelion patch at his house. This always cheered him up, and I think that’s one of the reasons we were buds, even if some of the neighbors thought it was a little strange for me to transport Jack home in this fashion.

The bees, of course, loved the bright yellow dandelions. We spent a lot of time in Jack’s yard, and after awhile we started recognizing specific bees so well that we gave names to them. Three of the bees looked so similar, we figured they must have been triplets. These we named Pam, Sam and Mam. We found Sam in a nearby spider’s web one morning. That’s a story for another time.

I wish I could tell you that the story has a happy ending. Sadly, it does not. One day, when I carted Jack back to his house, his allergies flared up. He started sneezing a lot, so I dropped him in the patch of dandelions and ran behind nearby bushes in his yard. Unbeknownst to me, that’s where the bees nested. As I peered through the bushes toward the yellow patch of dandelions and my childhood friend, Jack, the bees stung me hundreds of times. I ran home crying. Jack and I never hung out again.

And that’s why yellow makes me sad, I think.

After you watch the related video, check out this yarn and this yarn!

God-Fearing Feline

2010-11-12T23:17:00.003Z

The cat apparently loves the Good News. Unfortunately, her nose is buried in the Book of Maps.

Smooth Jazz, Safety Patrol, Social Media

2010-11-10T13:44:00.006Z

Smooth Jazz
I was getting ready to turn in for the evening when I recognized a familiar tune, dc Talk’s “In the Light” (without vocals), playing on The Weather Channel’s televised “Local On The 8s” forecast. In the process of searching online to confirm what I had heard, I scored a small personal victory.

For quite awhile, I have associated smooth jazz with The Weather Channel, but I had nothing solid to substantiate my claims that the two were inextricably linked. When I searched online to confirm that I’d heard dc Talk, I discovered that The Weather Channel changes the background music for local forecasts monthly...so I was sort of wrong about smooth jazz always being paired with the local forecast. However, I also discovered that The Weather Channel sells their local forecast music, and two of the four albums are smooth jazz!

I felt validated.

Safety Patrol
When I was in sixth grade I was on safety patrol. In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I was Captain of the Safety Patrol, which was quite a coup at my elementary school, considering I’d only joined the Patrol in sixth grade, and the powers-that-were promoted me over some of my upstanding classmates who’d served since fifth grade. As I recall, “Good Ol’ Captain Dave” was not a term of respect, but a form of Safety Patrol slur. Perhaps the sweet, early taste of power and the bitter aftertaste of disillusionment prevented me from thinking circumspectly about the ridiculousness of certain facets of the job...until this morning, when I saw the 2010 Safety Patrol at work.

My duties – when I wasn’t supervising the duties of others – entailed: standing on a street corner near my elementary school; wearing a reflective, bright orange seat belt and a similarly-colored helmet; and reading the “Walk” or “Don’t Walk” sign to my elementary underclassmen. Looking back, I have some reservations about the entire operation:

In 2010, gone are the orange seatbelts, replaced by sensible, fluorescent yellow reflective vests. Brilliant. Drivers and elementary underclassmen can now see the Safety Patrol. This is important, because fifth grade is the new sixth grade, and some of these fine young people are rather short. I’m left with the uneasy feeling that, back in the day, Safety Patrol used me as free advertising for the seat belt industry.
The helmets we wore in the early 1990s have been replaced by fluorescent yellow hats in 2010. At first blush, this almost seems like a step backward. Cloth hats almost certainly offer less protection than the plastic helmets we wore. Then again, what were they thinking by making us wear helmets? Certainly these were not protective devices. In a head-on collision between a car and a Safety Patrol member, the car wins every time. No, as I think about it, the helmets were functional in two ways: they reinforced our image as nerds, without affording us the dignity of pocket protectors; and they gave our apparently less-than-fully-literate elementary school peers something to knock on as they waited for us to read them the “Walk” or “Don’t Walk” sign...
...which leads me to my next point. Were there really so few elementary scholars hooked on phonics in the early 1990s? Was our sign-reading service truly that vital? It’s been awhile, so I can’t remember for certain, but I think the pictures of walking and standing people, typically in different colors, existed back then.

The 2010 Safety Patrol looked sharp, and I didn’t notice anyone knocking on their fluorescent yellow hats. Here’s to brighter times for the Safety Patrol.

Social Media
Although I could do without the helmets and orange seat belts, part of me wants to go “old school.” News of a study on social media came out yesterday, and the results were fairly sobering. Case Western Reserve School of Medicine’s study, which has not yet been peer reviewed, surveyed 4,257 high school students from an urban county in the Midwest. The findings showed linkage between excessive use of cell phones and social networking among teens, and addictive behaviors.

I once pointed out that I didn’t own a cell phone until I moved to Africa. I joined Facebook in Africa. In Africa, I used these sparingly, and I wrote more. At some point I started thinking in sound bite status updates, and I lost my voice.

The times, they are a-changin’.

November, Ducks, Flowers

2010-11-09T19:56:00.005Z

It’s November. The time has changed. The leaves are mostly down. Somehow, though, it’s still warm enough to get the grill out for lunch. And it’s sunny enough to take photos of ducks and flowers.

Mac ‘n’ Cheese and Mountain Dew

2010-11-07T22:26:00.002Z

Last night, or possibly this morning, I opened the fridge and saw days-old leftover mac ‘n’ cheese with an eerie, greenish, too-large-not-to-notice spot emanating from within its container. Then I noticed the Mountain Dew bottle above it.

Running Hungry: The Fall 50 Recap

2010-10-25T18:26:00.008Z

What do a bear with a whisk, umbrellas in Door County, Wisconsin and hungry children in developing countries have in common?

The answer, of course, is the Fall 50! My buddy, Ben, ran fifty miles in 8 hours, 49 minutes and 14 seconds over the weekend. More significantly, he raised enough money for Compassion International to feed over 150 children in developing countries for a month.

You can check out a updates from Ben’s solo run here or my relay team’s efforts here. In time, you will see a video recap on Ben’s marathon movies page, which already includes a video from when Ben and I ran the U.S. Air Force Marathon together in 2009.

UPDATES: Find the trailer to the Fall 50 movie here and the video of Ben’s run here.

Sorry, deer.

2010-10-19T21:30:00.004Z

I went paintballing this afternoon. Third time ever. The first two times were in Africa. One of those was on my birthday. I don’t know whether it was because the CO₂ was dialed down in Africa, whether it was because folks took it easy on me for my birthday, or maybe that I have become a bigger target since my last foray into the paintball scene...I just know that the bruises and welts were more memorable this time around. I have souvenirs from this afternoon on each leg, one on the back of my left triceps, one on the back of my neck, and the grand champion near my left shoulder blade.

As a result, I have more compassion for deer. A year or so ago, I heard about deer who liked to chew on the sides of houses. So the locals shot paintballs at them. I thought that was pretty funny at the time.

Sorry, deer.